Sometimes I still breathe in poetry, soak it into my lungs like I never dared to exhale the words I didn’t say out loud. But there are times when words are hard to come by. What I always loved about words is the way you slowly stumble upon them, fall into them like teenagers fall in love….or so I’m told. Poetry is breathing, the inhale, the exhale, the rush sort of the typhoon of a first kiss the beautiful chaos in it.
I often am drawn to beautiful chaos, seemingly impossible things, seemingly impossible people maybe because I crave hope. The only way chaos can ever be beautiful is with hope, the only way impossible can be reversed is with hope. I prayed that God would awaken love when he desired to do so.
Yes, I desire love the way a desert longs for rain. But I am still healing from cracks in the pavement, misunderstandings I was told to understand, and the mystery that is you. Words have always been home like family, close like sinew. Sometimes I feel as if love is trouble and its best to keep such trouble at arm’s length.
Once I was told that love was lust, once I was told that love is growing, once I was told that love is a maybe, once I was told that love is distance. I have learned that love is heartbreak, love is chiseling pieces of possibility off of every dream you’ve ever dreamt and praying that that person will know how to create a masterpiece.
I have been told that love is like bombshell, something you can neither regret nor run from. I have been told I am sunshine. Maybe I am learning how to radiate loves true light. I am told that I am more than broken pieces so maybe I will stumble upon hope in the form of healing. Sometimes I’m scared that I will overlook the love I’ve so longed for….but my eyes are open and fear is not from you.
Sometimes I’m uncertain that I will even know how to grasp it when it overcomes me but if I have learned how to grasp your love then maybe I will. I am an impatient person yet I have been told for years to have peace and wait. There are times when confusion is all I know how to adopt but you bring clarity so I will breathe, breathe with these same lungs that breathe in poetry, these very lungs want to also soak in the love that only comes from you.