Torn Connection by Anonymous Heartbroken

At times I question myself, if I’m a good friend, am I too available for people when they need me? I feel like I do a lot for people but I never get the same loyalty in return.

This one random day, I decided to hang out with my best friend and her two friends whom I didn’t really talk to. As the day went by, we were having fun. One of her friends offered me something to smoke. Usually as a teen you think it is fun to do such things like smoke. It wasn’t my first time, but I wouldn’t do it often, I was never addicted or anything. So I smoked what she handed me and I only did it once and I didn’t like it.

A few minutes later we decided to get McDonald’s. As we got there I got off and once I was close to the door to enter the restaurant my face felt weird like if it was sort of swollen. It felt like ants were walking in my face. I started to feel weird, so I asked them if they had seen my face swollen or anything they said no which made me wonder what is going on? I took a seat and I just started to see black spots randomly. My vision was not okay. I started slowing down. I never found a way to explain how my vision was that day but I myself knew I wasn’t okay. The first thing I did was look at my best friend and told her I wasn’t feeling good at all. I was begging for her to take me to the hospital but she just stood there asking me why, what do you mean, no you’re just “high”, which made me feel alone and scared. I didn’t know what to do, because as a best friend I feel like it’s a different friendship so I thought she was going to understand me and help me instead of making me feel unsafe as if she didn’t care. The girl who offered to smoke told me to go to her truck with her so she could blast cold air on me to see if I felt any better and as well to lie down in the back seat. We all got in and drove home. While we were going home so much was going around in my head. I thought I was dying. I honestly wanted to cry for help. I ended up calling my mom while on the way back to my best friend’s house telling her to pick me up because I didn’t feel good. While we were going back to my best friend’s house, she was on the phone planning on going to another party instead of asking me if I was okay. I didn’t feel safe around them anymore and I’m thankful my mom picked me up. I had calmed down by the time my mom arrived. I went home and I was honestly scared. The way I reacted to what gave me left me with no words. I had so many emotions. The next day I woke up scared, but my so-called best friend never checked up on me which broke me because I really thought we were close and I knew if it was her in my position I would be there and would have helped her.

Even after that situation I never used it against her or anything. I’m still always there for her but when I need advice or I feel sad she doesn’t care and I know I shouldn’t be okay with a friend like that but I have a caring heart and I care so much about us. I wouldn’t want the friendship to end because everything in the beginning of our friendship was so much fun and we saw each other like sisters, and that was the time I ever felt a torn connection between someone I love and me.